i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
