YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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