the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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