if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
