ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
