If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
