I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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