Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
my poor anus
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
