Three words: puerto rican gang bang
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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