I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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