She's JV to your varsity
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
