the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
