i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
