Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize