I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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