And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
