The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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