You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
