i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
