He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
