Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
