You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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