i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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