Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
God, you're like boner-b-gone
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
