The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
