her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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