There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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