She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
