____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize