Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
