I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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