PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
