Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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