I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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