the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
