You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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