Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
