you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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