i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
