You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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