He asked to "fluff my boner.."
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
