This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
