you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
