i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
