i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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