The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
