she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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