fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
