i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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