You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
