I think scott just propositioned me for sex
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
