We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
