Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
