She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
