dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
