Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
