i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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