I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
