i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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