That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
