The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
