I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
