eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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