Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize