Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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