What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
