I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize