My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
