Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
