One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
