i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
