people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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